I have to admit I've learned a few new things about myself these last few months.
There is a story about every person, including me. All of those stories and experiences have made me who I am today. Some are horrific, some I will never forget, some I really want to forget but can't, Some I never want to forget. Several of these events replay in my head, over and over again, I keep looking for a possible solution to what happened. Trying to examine what I did wrong or could have done differently to make the result turn out better, hoping I can fix it somehow. Even though I know it is impossible, I keep trying to figure out a way to change history, to fix it, just make everything be okay.
I'm just starting to accept my history, I can't bring people back from the dead. I can't remove pain that is already done and gone. I can't ignore the pictures in my head, but I can choose to not look that way or pull them out to re-examine them.
It is my history, I have to learn to just accept it, they are my stories, my life experiences, it is who I am. All of these experiences molded me into what I am today. I realize there is some damage and issues that really cannot be fixed, I can't go back in time and undo everything or erase things. It is totally impossible to make them better.
These experiences molded me to become what I am. There is a reason for everything. It is how I was made, it is why I am here. Because if it wasn't for my history, I wouldn't be who I am today. So my new goal, my new mission is to create new history that makes a positive difference, that promotes my thinking, lets me refocus. Making things happen that will help me and others, maybe change lives for the better.
I'm starting to figure out how to be okay and become happy about who I am today. It is a slow crawl up a steep hill, but it is well worth the trip.
My history is something that only God understands and put there, He makes everything happen for a reason, to make that special me.
The one and only Frank Besednjak.
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